The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
