Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
