Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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