If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
