Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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