your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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