What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
