After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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