all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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