so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize