i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
