My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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