I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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