it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
