i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
