You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
