Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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