it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize