i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
