so explain again why im purple
no
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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