you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
