My hand turned me down
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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