u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
