Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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