never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Life is so much better after having sex.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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