You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
