a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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