...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
