end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
