I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
