she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
