in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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