4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
