I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
