when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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