he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
