I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
