hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
