ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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