we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have post one night stand depression
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