I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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