i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
