I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
