this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
