Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize