Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
