We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
