the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
