This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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