I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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