I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
