I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
