I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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