What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think my mom watched the whole time
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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