I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
