I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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