If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
