So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
