I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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