god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize