its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
