I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
