whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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