Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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