wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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