im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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