Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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