I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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