i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
