He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
