It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
