You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
