Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
