dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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