I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
