I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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