I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
